Open? Perhaps Not

I guess hubby has found a girlfriend. It breaks my heart mostly because he doesn't give me what I need. His affection.

I guess it's my fault. He told me I bitch so much I make him feel like he doesn't do anything right. So he wanted to feel someone appreciated him. He said it makes him feel good.

It makes me feel like shit. It makes me feel betrayed. He lied in more ways then one. I can't even trust my husband.

I don't think I can share him. I think as long as I get what I need I might be able to tolerate it, but I don't know.

And yet he wants me to continue to see the men I see. Why? Why would I when it isn't fair? Especially when he wondered why it doesn't bother me to do it, but it bothers me that he might.

It's a fair question. I think the answer lies in his responses. He has told me he doesn't mind, that he doesn't want me to stop seeing my 'guys'. So why would I let it bother me? He came to me with this idea and told me he wanted me to do it initially because my needs weren't being met.

I just don't know anymore. I saw a message from HER that said 'hugs and kisses' and it just made me feel awful.

~sigh~

I just don't know anymore.

posted from Bloggeroid