I woke up at 4 am thinking.

No, Not really "YaY!", but we're looking on the bright side. At least my day started early. Now I have lots of time to do what I want to do...which is rest. LoL!

Last night my daughter and I attended a graduation party for a friend of mine. She graduated with honors for a teaching degree at forty+ years old. I'm very proud of her. She's not only figured out what she wants to do when she grows up, but she's worked hard to do it, and can do successfully say she's earned her right to go out into the world and do it. Last night was wonderful. The light in her eyes was wonderful to see. I'm glad she shared that with me.

I still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I wanted to be a mother, but that isn't turning out so well for me. My husband has kinda stripped that from me, and instead I get to spend all my time working, literally, to support the family while he gets to spend his time mothering our child. I feel cheated and resentful but he doesn't care. He's happy. Oh the wonderful deterioration of my dreams. He's also cheated me out of the ability and years to have another child. So yay for him.

I'm depressed.

*sigh*

"You Didn't Post One of Yourself"

I uploaded pictures of my husband and my daughter on Facebook. When showing my husband the ones I had posted he mentioned that I hadn't posted any of the pictures we had taken of myself.

"I'm fat and ugly," I reply, irritated at the thought of putting my fugly face on any social media.

"Look at mine," was his retort.

"There's nothing wrong with yours. Mine, on the other hand, are awful."

He moved away with a sigh while I continued to look at Facebook.

There are so many more things that have me down. The dirty house, The realization of how ugly I am. The lack of affection in my relationship.

I realize that the worse my relationship with him gets, the worse my depression gets.

The worse my depression gets, the worse our relationship gets.

My triggers are a dirty house, a bad relationship, and arguments.

All three of which he isn't helping with.

He refuses to help me clean the house. I'm in constant pain, and he takes my pain pills. He irritates me constantly and refuses to change any of the habits that annoy me. It's no wonder I'm depressed.