All these 'friends' on all these different social sites and messengers and in text and all over the place, and yet I have no one I feel I can really talk to.

Once again I'm relagated to the friend that people talk to me but don't have the time to listen to me. I have a husband who is no longer interested in my thoughts or dreams. He doesn't care.

Once again the only place I have to put my feelings, thoughts and anything else is here, in a blog. I'm not sure if I should be sad, or just accepting. I'm sure there is a friend who's willing to listen to me, but why would I want to drag them down? The bf has so much going on in his life he is upset. I think I just made it worse last night for him when he tried to talk to me.

What kind of person am I when my own husband doesn't want to talk to me? Old conditioning comes into play at this point. I remember my mother saying stuff like no one would want to talk to a loser like me. No one wants a depressed person to hang around. No one wants someone ugly in their circle of friends. So many hurtful things that is so so so hard to put behind me. When I feel like this I just feel like giving up and giving in. Maybe she was right. Maybe I am useless as a friend.

Last night was the first time I'd had bad thoughts in a long long time. I have a feeling they won't be the last.