FML

Writing. It's always been the comfort I reach for when there's no one else for me to talk to. When I feel alone and no one else wants to listen, or doesn't care enough to listen. Lately I've been craving it more and more. It tells me too many things about the state of mind I'm in, the place my heart has once again come to. I don't want to be in this place. I promised myself after leaving my ex that I wouldn't go there again.

Yet here I am. Once again living a life of no desire to do anything, see anyone, or share any part of me.


Why does this always happen? The common factor in all these situations is me.

So what am I doing wrong? What is it about me that tends to fuck up my life? What do I do to do this to myself, and why do I do it?

The only thing I can think of is to go to counselling, but I can't afford it. The only option I have is to wait until hubby gets a job, and there is yet another delay on getting our tax money back.


Hubby's little 'friend' talked to me today. Turns out he lied about the non-sex-talk not happening. Go figure, right? I wonder what else he's lied about. I can't talk to him anymore, I can't trust him.

What kind of relationship DO we have. At least my friends will PRETEND to let me talk to them.

Relationship wise I'm just as alone now as I was when I was living with my ex. The only good thing I have is my dog, Bear, and my daughter.

And I seriously don't feel good enough for them either.

Everytime I write I feel like crying.

Doesn't hubby even want to try to have a relationship again? Or is he just done, and do we just live together out of convienence?


FML.