Inspiration and Pain

My little girl is growing too fast. School finds her no longer crying when she walks in. She's writing her name and counting to 10. 

I have my ups and downs. 

Hubby is...hubby. He is trying to help me with the house, but not the way I had hoped. He did dishes one day last week. I had hoped for more, but one day is a start. He hurts, which I can understand. I hurt as well. 

God, how I hurt. My feet. My back. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how much worse it can get, until it gets worse. Then I wonder where my energy goes, and I'm left realizing it went to dealing with my pain. 

Most women have "Aunt Flo" that makes their back cramp and gives them bitchy attitudes once a month. I have daily back pain that is about 7 times what a normal back cramp is from my shoulder blades to my hips and pain in my feet with every step. It makes me bitchy. It makes me want to rant at the world. It makes me want to cry and scream and give up. It makes me hate having to work every day.

My daughter is my inspiration. She's the reason I get up and work, though I'm in pain. She's the reason I pay the bills. 

My brain goes around and around. Circles and circles. My pain. My inspiration. My pain. My inspiration.